Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
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