I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
