I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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