R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
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