508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize