Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
