Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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