i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
