Yo dont text me then not text me
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
