Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
