someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I want a musical about memes.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
