right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
