My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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