You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
