It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
