ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
