The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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