Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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