like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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