we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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