ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so let's talk penis.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize