I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
