He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hippo gnu deer
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
