remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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