I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
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