my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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