I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
