Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
