Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize