haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
When are your genitals available?
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
