why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
