I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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