I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
