You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
