Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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