The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
