You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Your penis caused this!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
