i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
