I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize
