I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
