I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
