I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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