dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
That accounts for only three of the penises
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
and you fell through a lawn chair
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
