Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
