I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
