I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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