Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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