i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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