My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'm lost and stupid without you.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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