My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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