Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
