So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
