That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
