i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
