I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
