her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
