I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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