A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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