So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
