i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just pee around me
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
