I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
