I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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