I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
