Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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