Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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