one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
