You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize